Talk to People NOT At Them
There is a big difference between a demand a a request. ~ Dr. Donna
JROTC afforded me the opportunity to tell people what to do. If felt good ordering the cadets around. Walking around all day long giving commands/demands felt good. It was instant gratification for me when someone cringed at the sound of my voice. Ruling by fear led me to believe that the cadets were being developed. The more they were belittled and demeaned the better it made me feel. Needless to say the lesson for me, was to learn how to talk to the cadets.
My initial communication method was very disrespectful, even though my rank was higher than other cadets, they were still human beings and deserved to be treated with dignity and respect. Through effective coaching and developing, I learned that it is far better to request than to demand.
Today, I understand that there is a distinct difference in talking at a person and talking to them.
- Talking at them puts up barriers and causes internal conflict and resentment.
- Talking to people creates open dialogue and builds relationships.
- Talking at them implies that they do not have feelings and they don’t matter.
- Talking at someone is harsh and crude.
- Talking to them requires empathy and the ability to listen.
It clearly is the most effective method to communicate.
Examples:
Talking at someone:
Go Get the presentation.
Talking to someone:
Can you please look on my desk and bring a copy of the presentation? I need it for the conference call today.
REAL Leaders talk to people not at them to achieve positive results.
Dr. Donna
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